As you may know, my birth did not go as planned. (Are there any that do? Let me know!) My envisioned natural, drug-free, child birth turned into a heart breaking c-section after almost 4 hours of pushing. I don't want to go into detail about what happened in this post, but rather concentrate on the people that helped me through it. My husband Ron of course, who never left my side and who had been absolutely amazing throughout my pregnancy, labor and birth. But then there was one more person, somebody, who quietly created an atmosphere of peace and comfort, just by being there. Somebody, who held my hand, stroke my back, whispered encouraging words and who stood up for me. Somebody, who made me laugh in between labor surges, who wiped my tears and sweat and who protected my privacy. Somebody, who I could trust that she had my best interest. Somebody, who believed in me when I didn't and who cried with me when things didn't turn out as we had imagined. That person was my Doula, Lorie.
Since it was impossible for my mom and sister to make it to the US (my family lives in Germany) for my birth, I knew that I had to get additional support. From earlier researches, I knew about Doulas and about the amazing work they do. After a little time spent on Google, I found my way to the person who would turn out to be my birth advocate and replacement mom for a night. I clearly remember when I met her the first time, at a Doula meet and greet, speed dating style. (And yes, it was awesome!) We only had a few minutes of small talk to get to know her, but it was more than enough. I just knew. We met a lot of wonderful, lovely Doulas that night, but something just clicked with Lorie. On our drive back home, Ron and I made the decision to hire her as our Doula for the birth of our first child.
After we had filled out all paperwork, we met with Lorie for the first time in private. We talked about my pregnancy, my wishes for my birth and discussed my fears and hopes. Remembering her, sitting crosslegged in her chair before us, makes me smile. She simply made us feel comfortable. I was more excited than ever about my birth.
During the weeks leading up to Amelie's Birthday, I could contact Lorie 24/7 if I needed to, to help with possible questions, worries, or other subjects.
Fast forward a few months - baby time! I was one week past my "guess date" and labor had started slowly but surely. I called Lorie at the first sensations of labor in the early (EARLY!) morning of May 28th, ready to start, well, whatever I was supposed to do. "Try to go back to sleep" Lorie said on the phone. "You will need the rest'". Wait, what?! How can I possibly go back to sleep NOW? But I listened (well I couldn't sleep, but I rested) and later I was glad I did. Over the next hours Lorie kept checking in via phone and texts. I updated her by describing my sensations and feelings. It made me feel calm to know she was there, ready to go whenever I needed her. Later that evening, at 9:30 PM the same day, I did need her.
My labor was beautiful, exactly how I imagined it. I was at home, surrounded by my husband, Lorie and our pets. I was relaxed, calm and confident. We drank tea together, talked, laughed and oh yeah and every few minutes I had a labor surge. Then I would close my eyes and breathe, knowing I was safe, I was loved and respected. Shortly before midnight we were on our way to the hospital. Once there, Lorie never left my side while Ron unloaded the car. (Suitcases for mom, baby and a little one for dad, birth ball, snack bag, blanket, two pillows, lap top...) I felt like I was moving in the hospital!
Once I had a room, we made myself comfortable, set up my music, dimmed the lights and relaxed. I spent most time rolling and bouncing on my birth ball, walking or leaning over the table or hospital bed. It was a nice atmosphere. Labor started picking up and I got more concentrated, I was in my own world. I was able to let go, knowing that Ron and Lorie would have my back. Lorie set up the birthing tub. The water felt amazing. Leaning over the rim, I let my big belly float in the water, I enjoyed having these last moments with my daughter so close. It was so peaceful in our room. I went through transition and Ron held my hands and Lorie stroked my back and my hair. I remember feeling so loved.
After an hour of pushing in the tub we decided I try on the bed. I was most comfortable on all fourth. The room got busier, midwife and nurses checking in more often now. With Ron standing by my head, I was holding on to him for dear life, Lorie was always there, covering me up to keep me comfortable, talking to me, telling me exactly what I needed to hear. More time went by, but little Amelie seemed to be quite comfortable where she was. Things got more serious for me at that point.
I clearly remember when I lost it, shortly before noon on May 29th. I was exhausted like never before in my life. (I wish I had slept when Lorie told me to. Lesson learned, girlfriend.) I also remember feeling so stuck like never before in my life. Being faced with a decision to do a C-section had not been the plan. Silly me for PLANNING a birth.
What I recall is holding on to Ron and calling Lorie's name over and over, sobbing. And she was right there. I think her heart broke for me. We all cried. Held each other.
Then bright lights, the feeling of numbness and then I heard it... the very first cry of my Amelie. Never, never will I forget this sound. After, they stitched me back up and wheeled me back to my room. And Lorie was there, again. I was dazed, but knowing she was there made all the difference. She was the reason I got immediate skin to skin and even breastfed Amelie right on the operation table, as Lorie told the nurse (or midwife?) that this was really important to me. I was moved to another room and Lorie made sure all of our things made it to the new room. She stayed until I was settled and had nursed my baby. Then she left, but the impact she had made on me and my birthing experienced stayed. I didn't have a natural, un-medicated childbirth. But I did have a beautiful, natural, un-medicated labor, which looking back, left me feel empowered. I was able to experience my body's strength during the surges without fear. I was able to work with my body and experience the intensity of being in the moment, deep within myself.
Women need to feel secure during child birth, we need to feel safe and loved and respected. We need to feel empowered, to be brave enough to question the things we've been taught. We need someone who will stand up for us when we can't, to comfort, to encourage and to gently guide. Even, or especially when things don't go as planned.
Thank you Doulas, thank you Lorie, for all that you do. You will always have a special place in my heart.
Since it was impossible for my mom and sister to make it to the US (my family lives in Germany) for my birth, I knew that I had to get additional support. From earlier researches, I knew about Doulas and about the amazing work they do. After a little time spent on Google, I found my way to the person who would turn out to be my birth advocate and replacement mom for a night. I clearly remember when I met her the first time, at a Doula meet and greet, speed dating style. (And yes, it was awesome!) We only had a few minutes of small talk to get to know her, but it was more than enough. I just knew. We met a lot of wonderful, lovely Doulas that night, but something just clicked with Lorie. On our drive back home, Ron and I made the decision to hire her as our Doula for the birth of our first child.
After we had filled out all paperwork, we met with Lorie for the first time in private. We talked about my pregnancy, my wishes for my birth and discussed my fears and hopes. Remembering her, sitting crosslegged in her chair before us, makes me smile. She simply made us feel comfortable. I was more excited than ever about my birth.
During the weeks leading up to Amelie's Birthday, I could contact Lorie 24/7 if I needed to, to help with possible questions, worries, or other subjects.
Fast forward a few months - baby time! I was one week past my "guess date" and labor had started slowly but surely. I called Lorie at the first sensations of labor in the early (EARLY!) morning of May 28th, ready to start, well, whatever I was supposed to do. "Try to go back to sleep" Lorie said on the phone. "You will need the rest'". Wait, what?! How can I possibly go back to sleep NOW? But I listened (well I couldn't sleep, but I rested) and later I was glad I did. Over the next hours Lorie kept checking in via phone and texts. I updated her by describing my sensations and feelings. It made me feel calm to know she was there, ready to go whenever I needed her. Later that evening, at 9:30 PM the same day, I did need her.
My labor was beautiful, exactly how I imagined it. I was at home, surrounded by my husband, Lorie and our pets. I was relaxed, calm and confident. We drank tea together, talked, laughed and oh yeah and every few minutes I had a labor surge. Then I would close my eyes and breathe, knowing I was safe, I was loved and respected. Shortly before midnight we were on our way to the hospital. Once there, Lorie never left my side while Ron unloaded the car. (Suitcases for mom, baby and a little one for dad, birth ball, snack bag, blanket, two pillows, lap top...) I felt like I was moving in the hospital!
Once I had a room, we made myself comfortable, set up my music, dimmed the lights and relaxed. I spent most time rolling and bouncing on my birth ball, walking or leaning over the table or hospital bed. It was a nice atmosphere. Labor started picking up and I got more concentrated, I was in my own world. I was able to let go, knowing that Ron and Lorie would have my back. Lorie set up the birthing tub. The water felt amazing. Leaning over the rim, I let my big belly float in the water, I enjoyed having these last moments with my daughter so close. It was so peaceful in our room. I went through transition and Ron held my hands and Lorie stroked my back and my hair. I remember feeling so loved.
After an hour of pushing in the tub we decided I try on the bed. I was most comfortable on all fourth. The room got busier, midwife and nurses checking in more often now. With Ron standing by my head, I was holding on to him for dear life, Lorie was always there, covering me up to keep me comfortable, talking to me, telling me exactly what I needed to hear. More time went by, but little Amelie seemed to be quite comfortable where she was. Things got more serious for me at that point.
I clearly remember when I lost it, shortly before noon on May 29th. I was exhausted like never before in my life. (I wish I had slept when Lorie told me to. Lesson learned, girlfriend.) I also remember feeling so stuck like never before in my life. Being faced with a decision to do a C-section had not been the plan. Silly me for PLANNING a birth.
What I recall is holding on to Ron and calling Lorie's name over and over, sobbing. And she was right there. I think her heart broke for me. We all cried. Held each other.
Then bright lights, the feeling of numbness and then I heard it... the very first cry of my Amelie. Never, never will I forget this sound. After, they stitched me back up and wheeled me back to my room. And Lorie was there, again. I was dazed, but knowing she was there made all the difference. She was the reason I got immediate skin to skin and even breastfed Amelie right on the operation table, as Lorie told the nurse (or midwife?) that this was really important to me. I was moved to another room and Lorie made sure all of our things made it to the new room. She stayed until I was settled and had nursed my baby. Then she left, but the impact she had made on me and my birthing experienced stayed. I didn't have a natural, un-medicated childbirth. But I did have a beautiful, natural, un-medicated labor, which looking back, left me feel empowered. I was able to experience my body's strength during the surges without fear. I was able to work with my body and experience the intensity of being in the moment, deep within myself.
Women need to feel secure during child birth, we need to feel safe and loved and respected. We need to feel empowered, to be brave enough to question the things we've been taught. We need someone who will stand up for us when we can't, to comfort, to encourage and to gently guide. Even, or especially when things don't go as planned.
Thank you Doulas, thank you Lorie, for all that you do. You will always have a special place in my heart.