Breastfeeding, the one thing I was so looking forward to during my pregnancy, turned out to be the hardest thing I had ever done. To me, it always looked so beautiful and natural and I could not have imagined anything could go wrong. Unfortunately, I found out that it could. Problems with latching caused my nipples to be completely sore, which caused excruciating pain every time I would feed baby Amelie. It became incredibly frustrating and I was dreading the feedings. DREADING. I would cry every time she would get hungry because I knew what was coming. I got anxious as soon as I saw her hunger cues. I expressed milk and fed her with a syringe every now and then to get a little break. I went to a breastfeeding support class which helped for one day, but it was hard for me to get out of bed and move around because of my c-section.
I felt trapped at home, trapped with my pain and I became borderline depressed. After my failed natural birth, I felt cheated by my body yet again. Every day for the first two weeks, was filled with countless tears and frustration, mixed with the rare yet powerful moments of pure joy of having Amelie in my life. These moments were enough to keep me going. Those moments and "The Badass Breastfeeder". What is "The Badass Breastfeeder"? Blog, lactivist, wonderful breastfeeding support and resource of all things attachment parenting. Click here for the facebook page. I spent lots of time on my laptop during my c-section recovery and "The Badass Breastfeeder" was just what I needed when I felt so alone and angry at myself. It gave me strength when I had none, encouragement when severely tested and understanding when I needed it most. I knew that I needed breastfeeding to work out for baby Amelie, but I had no idea how much of an impact this would have on my life as a mother. Eventually, our latch-on problems caused me to develop a bad case of mastitis and a high fever. I finally contacted a lactation consultant who helped me with the latch and sent me straight to my midwife, to get antibiotics. I felt much better after only two days and now knowing how to properly latch her on, I slowly started to heal. It was still tough as Amelie started to cluster-feed; basically wanting to feed whenever she was awake. It was exhausting for me. At the same time, it wasn't easy for her either: Seeing me upset all the time and sensing the tension during breastfeeding. Looking back, it hurts to think about how I rejected nursing; these supposed to be tender and nurturing moments that we needed to bond. I feel guilty about that, but at the same time, I know I did the best I could. With lots of support from my husband and family/friends, we worked through these days, hour by hour, nursing session by nursing session. Only thinking of the next time I had to feed her, would overwhelm me, so I tried to live in the moment as best as I could. It was rough, but slowly things got better. Now, at nine months into breastfeeding, Amelie and I are thriving! We nurse on demand and out in public with my head held high. I feel proud of what we have accomplished together. Before, I thought nursing was just feeding my baby, now I know better. It is love, it is bonding, it is empowerment. After my failed natural birth, it made me believe in myself again. My relationship with my body has changed, now that I know what I can do. It was my personal therapy, my way of healing from a disappointing birth experience. Breastfeeding made me a better mother because it gave me back my confidence and helped me fall in love with myself again. It made me stronger and shaped me in ways, I never thought possible. Now, when Amelie is nursing and I look down at her, holding her close, seeing her face relax and feeling her chubby hand hold on to me, I feel like I have finally arrived in motherhood. Thank you breastfeeding, I love you! ![]() As a mom (or dad), you are always on the go. Depending on how many kids you have and how busy your schedule is, breaks are almost non-existent. Add the to-do list of the day and finding time for a meal becomes almost impossible. So what do we do? We grab what we can find, the old cereal bar in our purse, the left over muffin or, worst case scenario, we hit the fast food place around the corner. It doesn't have to be that way. I love fast and easy recipes that are healthy and tasty. As a nursing mom, I am hungry all the time and tend to snack a lot in between meals. I want to keep my snacks light, but packed with nutrients and the so much needed energy. Here is one quick solution for the little hunger in between, I call it: The Power Sandwich: 2 slices Whole wheat/sour dough bread, spread with -> Organic, whole milk greek yogurt Fresh, organic spinach Organic turkey breast Organic slices of avocado salt pepper to taste Enjoy! :) |
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