I made plans about schedules and setting strict boundaries before I was even pregnant. To get a head start, you know. To be prepared and ready. Boy, was I wrong!
The first time, things didn't follow my so well thought out plan, was when getting pregnant turned out to be much more complicated than just dropping birth control. So naturally, I started worrying about, yes you guessed it, my age! Of course, I wanted to be young mom. Not getting pregnant within the first 3 months was annoying to me, because that baby was supposed to be a summer baby, so we could celebrate the birthday parties outside. Makes sense , no?
Well, annoyance turned to anger, turned to sadness, turned to heart break when we didn't get pregnant in the months after. And the months after that. Looking back, I am thankful for this difficult time, because I changed so much in these two years. Priorities changed, I couldn't care less about what months the baby was born. Simply being able to give birth to a baby was all I wanted.
I didn't care about being a perfect mom anymore, all I wanted, was to be a mom.
And then I got pregnant. I think, to this day I am trying to find the right words to describe how I felt when I first saw that positive pregnancy test. And to this day I am just... speechless. Let me just say, I never felt so happy in my life before.
During my pregnancy I read a lot. It started with researching the topic of breastfeeding, because it was something I really wanted to do. And things kinda took off from there. I read about natural birthing and Doulas and babywearing and it all made sense to me!
To be the best mother to my child, I needed to get to know my child first.
And that's what I did. Out the window went my prepared plans and lists and schedules. Those things were replaced by motherly instinct, sensitivity and the pure love for my baby. Baby Amelie became my teacher, I let her guide the way. And it was quite amazing to learn along the way.
Co-sleeping, babywearing, attachment parenting are just terms for what came naturally to me. Or to us, I should say.
Now, my house is a mess at times, sometimes I am late, I so NOT have everything under control, Amelie is nicely dressed - for about ten seconds before she gets into messy things, fresh cookies are overrated and loaded with sugar and I don't even want to start talking about my hair! I do dinner on time... on most days. So, yay me! Not sure if that will be enough for the good mom award, but I don't care about that any longer.
What I do care about is to be a good role model for my child, to guide by example. To give her the freedom to let her develop at her own pace. To help her through emotional times. To always be there when she needs me. To encourage her.
To love her exactly for who she is.