The first time my husband took a bath with our daughter, she was 3 months old at that time, he asked me if he should put on bathing shorts. I thought he was making a joke. Turns out, he was dead serious. What felt so natural to me, was uncomfortable for him. At first, I was amused about this. Then saddened.
We all know how important skin to skin contact for a newborn baby and its parents is. We need it to establish a good breastfeeding relationship, to bond, to regulate baby's body temperature, to reduce crying and stress and to stimulate baby's heart rate and breathing. But what about when the baby is older?
For me, being partially naked around Amelie is a necessity since I am still breastfeeding her. Sometimes I will sleep topless with her because it is so much easier to nurse at night. I don't think twice about being naked around her. We have been taken baths together since she has grown out of her baby tub. You might say, "Well yes, you are a girl, just like her". Even if I had a boy, you might suggest that for mothers, it is different.
So what about Fathers? What is it, that makes us feel so uncomfortable when we are thinking of little girls or boys around their naked dads? Be honest, didn't that thought just make you cringe at least a little bit? What should be one of the most natural, most loving and tender relationships, all of a sudden leaves a bitter taste in our mouth as soon as we omit the clothing. But why?
Sadly, we live in a world where sexual crimes against children are too common. While they are destroying the innocence of the direct victims, they seem to be effecting even more good people on a whole different level. The suspicious attitude that gets triggered by these tragic acts of violence, is eating away at the essence of the so pure and instinctive relationship between male parents and their children. While it is important to be aware of the dangers in the world we live in, we should trust in this truly special bond.
Children should be able to experience the innocence of their age without being influenced by the wrong doing of adults. That includes skin to skin bonding with their parents. Being able to learn about the other sex in a natural, non-threatening way. "Daddy's body is different than mommy's", will be all they will see.
Soon enough, they will be pre-teens, tweens or teenagers and they will become conscious of their own sex and nakedness. I want to take advantage of this brief time in Amelie's life, to teach her about a healthy body imagine by being her role model. I am OK with my body, clothed or naked. So is daddy.
I believe, that it is important for my daughter to grow up with the natural terms for genitals; words like nipples, penis and vagina should not be awkward, for they are just labels for different body parts.
When Amelie is old enough to ask, I will not tell her about birds and bees, but simply tell her the age-appropriate truth about how a life is created. By making up stories, I would not only lie to her, but I would also signal her that sex is something that should not be talked about, something that is shameful. This may not a big deal when she is young, but what when she is a teenager and she is experiencing her first sexual contact and may have a question? Then, she might feel ashamed of talking about this topic with me or my husband and turn to other resources. I wouldn't want my daughter to learn "how things work" from movies or magazines or even worse, her older boyfriend.
As for saving "the talk" for when she is older, how do I determine when she is ready to talk about these things? Each child develops differently and because of the reason mentioned above, I might miss the window of opportunity. And even if I don't, I can imagine how much fun this conversation would be: Telling her, that I have not been truthful all these years and then the so caused awkwardness of explaining to her what sexual intercourse really is about.
If children are allowed to grow up with the facts, the topic "sex" will be natural and it will be easier for them to be open to talk about it without shame.
When the time comes, I will teach Amelie about boundaries and how protect herself from possible threats. For now, it is my job to just let her be care free.
Butt naked if she wants to.
We all know how important skin to skin contact for a newborn baby and its parents is. We need it to establish a good breastfeeding relationship, to bond, to regulate baby's body temperature, to reduce crying and stress and to stimulate baby's heart rate and breathing. But what about when the baby is older?
For me, being partially naked around Amelie is a necessity since I am still breastfeeding her. Sometimes I will sleep topless with her because it is so much easier to nurse at night. I don't think twice about being naked around her. We have been taken baths together since she has grown out of her baby tub. You might say, "Well yes, you are a girl, just like her". Even if I had a boy, you might suggest that for mothers, it is different.
So what about Fathers? What is it, that makes us feel so uncomfortable when we are thinking of little girls or boys around their naked dads? Be honest, didn't that thought just make you cringe at least a little bit? What should be one of the most natural, most loving and tender relationships, all of a sudden leaves a bitter taste in our mouth as soon as we omit the clothing. But why?
Sadly, we live in a world where sexual crimes against children are too common. While they are destroying the innocence of the direct victims, they seem to be effecting even more good people on a whole different level. The suspicious attitude that gets triggered by these tragic acts of violence, is eating away at the essence of the so pure and instinctive relationship between male parents and their children. While it is important to be aware of the dangers in the world we live in, we should trust in this truly special bond.
Children should be able to experience the innocence of their age without being influenced by the wrong doing of adults. That includes skin to skin bonding with their parents. Being able to learn about the other sex in a natural, non-threatening way. "Daddy's body is different than mommy's", will be all they will see.
Soon enough, they will be pre-teens, tweens or teenagers and they will become conscious of their own sex and nakedness. I want to take advantage of this brief time in Amelie's life, to teach her about a healthy body imagine by being her role model. I am OK with my body, clothed or naked. So is daddy.
I believe, that it is important for my daughter to grow up with the natural terms for genitals; words like nipples, penis and vagina should not be awkward, for they are just labels for different body parts.
When Amelie is old enough to ask, I will not tell her about birds and bees, but simply tell her the age-appropriate truth about how a life is created. By making up stories, I would not only lie to her, but I would also signal her that sex is something that should not be talked about, something that is shameful. This may not a big deal when she is young, but what when she is a teenager and she is experiencing her first sexual contact and may have a question? Then, she might feel ashamed of talking about this topic with me or my husband and turn to other resources. I wouldn't want my daughter to learn "how things work" from movies or magazines or even worse, her older boyfriend.
As for saving "the talk" for when she is older, how do I determine when she is ready to talk about these things? Each child develops differently and because of the reason mentioned above, I might miss the window of opportunity. And even if I don't, I can imagine how much fun this conversation would be: Telling her, that I have not been truthful all these years and then the so caused awkwardness of explaining to her what sexual intercourse really is about.
If children are allowed to grow up with the facts, the topic "sex" will be natural and it will be easier for them to be open to talk about it without shame.
When the time comes, I will teach Amelie about boundaries and how protect herself from possible threats. For now, it is my job to just let her be care free.
Butt naked if she wants to.