This month, Amelie will turn 1 year old. And while I am so excited for this day, I am looking forward to it with a heavy heart. It means my baby will officially be a toddler. Just last week, she took her first wobbly steps. At this time, she still walks towards me, and throws herself into my arms. But the time will come, when she will turn her back on me and march into this big, big world. I am trying to prepare for this moment; I know letting go is important. However, it is also very hard.
In quiet moments, I am thinking about a sibling for Amelie. Clearly a result of my not so logical, sleep deprived mind. My c-section scar is fading and so are the memories of Amelie's birth and the first months after. Our days are less crazy and you could almost call it "normal life". I am now confident at this mom thing. This security, so it seems, is being taken advantage of by mother nature, to ensure the survival of the human race by creating this wish for another baby.
In quiet moments, I am thinking about a sibling for Amelie. Clearly a result of my not so logical, sleep deprived mind. My c-section scar is fading and so are the memories of Amelie's birth and the first months after. Our days are less crazy and you could almost call it "normal life". I am now confident at this mom thing. This security, so it seems, is being taken advantage of by mother nature, to ensure the survival of the human race by creating this wish for another baby.
I have read that it takes the body at least 2 years to recover from a pregnancy and to replenish its nutrient reserves. I am also planning on letting Amelie self wean and I am unsure about how I would handle breastfeeding her during a pregnancy. Physically and mentally. But then again - maybe I love it?
So when is a good time to have a second baby?
I would want Amelie and her brother or sister to be close, not only in age but also emotionally, to be able to walk through life together. My younger sister and I are only 1.5 years apart and although we fought a lot, we are able experience different stages of life together. Each in her own way, but still - we understand each other.
On the other hand, I cannot imagine life with a young toddler and a newborn right now. This seems like such a foreign - did I mention scary - concept. Especially in moments, that seem to be overwhelming with only one child, I ask myself how I would be able to handle situations like this with two children. Then again, women do it all the time, right? The real question is HOW?
Another aspect is the relationship to my husband, which has suffered this past year. Having a baby puts a big amount of pressure on a marriage, and although it is all so worth it because you are getting so much love in return, I consider it the ultimate test of a relationship. While we are enjoying every single moment of being a family, I would like to be able to spend more time with my partner here and there. A healthy and strong relationship is important, not only for the happiness of the parents, but also for the happiness of their children. Now that Amelie is getting older, this seems to be like an almost realistic wish. She is not quite ready for a babysitter yet, but she is making progress and getting more comfortable with close friends and family. Adding a baby to the family, would change the dynamics a little (= A LOT).
And of course there is thing thing called age. I will be 30 this year and honestly, I am really looking forward to my birthday and the thirties! I have never felt better in my body and I am loving, appreciating and living my life to the fullest. However, my biological clock is ticking and although I know that 30 is not an old age, the fact that a pregnancy is considered high risk at the age of 35, plus my wish to not only have 2 but maybe 3 children changes the perspective on this subject.
Maybe my baby fever is triggered by the fact that it took us so long to conceive Amelie. I worry that it will take as as long or longer to get pregnant with the next baby and I wonder if it is even possible for us to conceive again. This thought almost breaks my heart and makes all the worrying about the right timing seem so silly. I think, I am afraid to officially start trying because of this fear. Trying to get pregnant would make these worries so much more real.
And so I sit here, letting all these thoughts run through my mind. Will they give me an answer to my question? I don't know. Deep down, I know that no matter when we will have another baby, it will be the perfect timing. Because the moment when a life is created by love, is the moment when all doubts will yield happiness.
So when is a good time to have a second baby?
I would want Amelie and her brother or sister to be close, not only in age but also emotionally, to be able to walk through life together. My younger sister and I are only 1.5 years apart and although we fought a lot, we are able experience different stages of life together. Each in her own way, but still - we understand each other.
On the other hand, I cannot imagine life with a young toddler and a newborn right now. This seems like such a foreign - did I mention scary - concept. Especially in moments, that seem to be overwhelming with only one child, I ask myself how I would be able to handle situations like this with two children. Then again, women do it all the time, right? The real question is HOW?
Another aspect is the relationship to my husband, which has suffered this past year. Having a baby puts a big amount of pressure on a marriage, and although it is all so worth it because you are getting so much love in return, I consider it the ultimate test of a relationship. While we are enjoying every single moment of being a family, I would like to be able to spend more time with my partner here and there. A healthy and strong relationship is important, not only for the happiness of the parents, but also for the happiness of their children. Now that Amelie is getting older, this seems to be like an almost realistic wish. She is not quite ready for a babysitter yet, but she is making progress and getting more comfortable with close friends and family. Adding a baby to the family, would change the dynamics a little (= A LOT).
And of course there is thing thing called age. I will be 30 this year and honestly, I am really looking forward to my birthday and the thirties! I have never felt better in my body and I am loving, appreciating and living my life to the fullest. However, my biological clock is ticking and although I know that 30 is not an old age, the fact that a pregnancy is considered high risk at the age of 35, plus my wish to not only have 2 but maybe 3 children changes the perspective on this subject.
Maybe my baby fever is triggered by the fact that it took us so long to conceive Amelie. I worry that it will take as as long or longer to get pregnant with the next baby and I wonder if it is even possible for us to conceive again. This thought almost breaks my heart and makes all the worrying about the right timing seem so silly. I think, I am afraid to officially start trying because of this fear. Trying to get pregnant would make these worries so much more real.
And so I sit here, letting all these thoughts run through my mind. Will they give me an answer to my question? I don't know. Deep down, I know that no matter when we will have another baby, it will be the perfect timing. Because the moment when a life is created by love, is the moment when all doubts will yield happiness.